I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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