by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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