I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
