Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
