I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
