I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
