A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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