shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
