please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
