she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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