Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
