It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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