the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
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