I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
