You're my little dorito
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to sanitize my soul.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
