the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
