Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
