I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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