it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
