i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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