You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
