the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
