I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
