We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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