i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
