now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
