Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
