You don't have asthma, your pregnant
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
