go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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