R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
