literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My penis needs a shock collar
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
