it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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