Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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