I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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