He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
