I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
