you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
