I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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