Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
