His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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