he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
