Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
