this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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