is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
