Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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