I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
