So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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