Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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