I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
