I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
