i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
