I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
