you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
