My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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