I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
