Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
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Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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