he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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