This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Buhtt sex?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
