I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
