She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
