I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
