no you cant smoke seaweed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
