Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
