the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
