i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
