In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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