No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
