just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
