I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
