You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
