4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
