The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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