i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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