My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
