next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
