Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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