Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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