Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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