woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I came so hard my ears popped.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
